11 January
Sunday afternoon and all’s not well, sort of anyway.
You see, we’ve done it again; we slept in and it was 11.30 when Jan woke me.
That was 11 and half hours of sleep. We are doing this far too often and we
need to stop doing it. Not only is just sheer laziness, it’s half the day gone
with nothing to show for it.
One of the writing magazines has a column called ‘How
to write like …’ OK, fine; but I don’t want to like … I want to write like
ME!!! Regular readers will no doubt know that I can make some real howlers of
mistakes, as The Rochdale Sage will gladly tell you about! Most of it comes
down to my dyslexia; no matter how often I read something of mine I will miss
some typos and errors. That is where a good editor comes in. These people are
busy though, and it would wrong to send them work that you know is full of
errors. That is just plain lazy. This could perhaps link in with the above paragraph
too, but that alone would give the wrong impression of me and it’s one I wouldn’t
want to spread.
I’ve just been reading Writing Magazine and I’m impressed by two short stories they have
published in this issue. Both are only 250 words, so does that make them flash
fiction then I wonder? Of the two I preferred the second one. The brief for
that was a large young man with a shopping trolley full of junk food. That
story is a masterpiece in my view; a full and sensible story in just 250 words,
wow, what a writer!
Short story writing is something I have tried, but
just once. Would you like to read it? Yes, no, well here it is anyway …
Warm ... warm
... warm ... dark ... dark ... dark ... comfy ... comfy ... comfy ... safe ...
very safe ... OUCH! Lights ... bright
lights hurting my eyes! Oh, it’s you
again is it? What do you want this
time? Here we go again, lifted up, silly
talk, moved away from my bed. Every day the
same ... I want my bed! waaaa ... waaaa ... waaaa. WAAAA!
I want my bed!
Oh
dear, on my back again, legs in the air.
No, no don’t take that off yet.
OK, you’ll be sorry! Hhhaaaa,
that’s better, I needed that. What’s
that smell? Hang on ... aaahhh ...
that’s it finished. I told you to wait
didn’t I? Now you’ve got it all over the
place ... hahahahahahaha ... OK look, here comes the short haired one. What’s that pretty thing round your
neck? Can I have it please? Please?
PLEASE?
My
tummy feels strange, it needs filling up again.
That’s it, that’s the stuff.
Watch this, I can blow bubbles in it, see? What do you mean it’s dirty, it’s fun look,
here’s another one.
Is
that another set of new cloths? They’re
nice, I like those. Is that because I’m
going to Aunty Sandie again today? I
like her, she’s nice and funny. She’s
not like you. I see you for an hour or
so and then you drop me off at Aunty Sandie and I have fun with her all day.
We’re
off then. I don’t like looking backwards
on by the way. Why can’t I look forward
like you do I? I could see where we’re
going then and not where we’ve been.
It’s noisy in here you know, and smelly too. No, it’s not me this time so don’t give me a
funny look! Are we there yet? Oh great, we are there. Aunty Sandie, Aunty Sandie, I’m here, I’m
back. Oh heck, here we go again, that
wet sloppy thing again. I hate it and
why are you so upset? You’ve seen me for
just over an hour. Aunty Sandie doesn’t
get upset when I have to go and she sees me all day.
So what are we going to do today Aunty
Sandie? Can we go to the park
please? I like the park, lots of nice
funny smells and colours and sounds all around me and those funny little furry
things that come and lick me. I that, it
tickles. Oh lovely, we are going out
then. I get to sit looking forward this
time. Lots of people looking at me and smiling,
they’re nice people. Oh dear, I’m tired,
I said I wanted to go back to bed but no, they wouldn’t listen. Maybe a short nap will help.
Oh
look, the park! We’re in the park! How did we get here then? Must have been when I was sleeping. I feel wet, how has that happened again. I’ll cry a bit to let Aunty Sandie know. Waaaa ... waaaa ... waaaa ... Great, she’s got the message and I’m nice and
dry again, lovely, and I’m getting a nice drink too, just what I needed.
Aunty
Sandie, why are we back so soon? What
are we going to do now? Is it lunch time
yet, I’m hungry again. It is lunch time,
great! Hey, that’s not bad, very
nice. I could eat that again,
anymore? What’s this? Hmm, that is nice! Sloppy and sweet and creamy, hmmm, very nice. Oh dear, all that food has made me tired
again. Oh come on Aunty Sandie, I don’t
need that doing again ... see told you I didn’t need it yet. Oh dear, I am tired.
Where’s
Aunty Sandie? I can normally see her and
she’s usually here by now. Maybe if I
scream she will come and see to me. Ah,
there you are. Now I need cleaning. Hey! That’s
cold on my bum Aunty, no wonder I jumped.
Nice clean cloths again. Can I
smell dinner again Aunty Sandie? It
smells really nice too. Hey, someone’s
at the door.
Oh,
it’s you again is it! I suppose you’re going
to take me away again from Aunty Sandie and she’s got something really nice for
dinner too. Hey, how do you do
that? How do you look so happy and so
sad at the same time? Neat trick anyway
even if I would sooner stay here with Aunty Sandie and have some of that nice
dinner I can smell.
Oh
no, going backwards again, I hate that but you always do it ... and that smell
is still is here. Perhaps if I scream a
bit you’ll get the message.
SCREAMSCREAMSCREAM! But I don’t
want to go home. I want to stay with
Aunty Sandie! I like her.
Hello,
have we stopped again? Why are you
getting out! Don’t you dare leave me
here even if I don’t want to be here.
Don’t you dare drop me either after you’ve picked me up! I don’t trust you at all.
Well,
OK, you got your way and we’re here, so now what? When’s the short haired one coming back? I can’t pull his hair but I can pull his
coloured thing around his neck and that is great fun. I wonder if I can make his face change colour
again like before. That was great when
he started coughing and called you to help.
Ah
well, here I am again on my belly in that white round things with holes in it
all over and soft things just right for kicking. Oh, that smells nice, is that dinner
again? Hmmm, smells good but I suppose
you’ll stick me in all water again before I can have some eh? Hey look, here’s short hair. Spoil sport!
He’s taken off his coloured thing.
It looks like he’s going to dunk me today. OK, I’ll splash him then instead of pulling
his coloured thing. Here we go ... oh
yes, great shot! Got him full in the
face. Listening to him moaning about
it. No, come on, don’t be a spoil sport
again. I want to stay and play and
splash you again.
Not
again! More clean clothes. Hey, those are look like the same as the ones
I had on before I went to aunty Sandie’s.
Why am I having those on again?
Is that dinner? Great, I’m
starving here. Hmmm, nice, really nice.
Hey, don’t you normally put me down after dinner? In that browny thing? Yes, you do.
If you do it today I’ll really scream.
I don’t want to go down. I want
to stop and watch the pretty pictures on the box in the corner. No! I
won’t go!
Screamcreamscream. I don’t want a drink! Screamscream. Don’t put the light off! Screamscream. Come Back!
Scream scream. Please come
back?
SCREAMSCREAMSCREAM. Please come back? Screamscreamscreaaammm. Ahhh, I’m so tired, mustn’t go to sleep, mustn’t
go to sleep, must... ahhhh, mustn’t go ... ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz ... ... ...
“Oh
long last", sighed Clare, “I totally shattered today and didn’t fancy a
big battle with her tonight. Where on
earth do they get their energy from.”
Mark
agreed and went to say, “Now then, just where did we get to before you got up
this morning?"
So what do you make of it then? Please do let
me know.
Today’s
photo then …
A Chinese crested deer at Titchwell. It’s not the best photo I’ve
taken but it is an animal I’ve never seen before, that’s what it makes it a
keeper for me.
And
today’s funny …
Sam heard all about the great service in the “Sleep Fine Hotel”, so after dropping his stuff in his room, he excitedly headed down to the hotel lounge. He was only there for a few minutes when a beautifully dressed waitress came over to him. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked. Sam took in a deep breath, looked around at the beautiful lobby and asked “what are my choices?” The woman’s gave Sam a strange look, and responded in an extra loud and slow voice, “yeees or noooo.”
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