Canons and tripods

23 January 2012

Wasn't I a good boy last night?  I set the alarm for 8am just we had agreed seeing as we both had appointments in different parts of town, Jan at 10.30 and me at 10.45.  We got up, Jan got ready and went off for her appointment while I had a shave and got changed.  I came back down stairs and Jan sent me a text to say that her appointment was on Wednesday, not today ... deeerrr - so was mine!  Now we have to go through the whole lot again on Wednesday.  Ah well ... all ads to the variety of life I suppose.

Today's Dorktown News is a hit and miss affair again.  Front page story is about the truck parking problem at Bermuda industrial estate where trucks are double parking along the road.  Double yellow lines are to be painted in an effort to stop it.  But unless they are policed I don't see how it will work.  The drivers will ignore them anyway and just pass them on to their firms to pay so I don't see any how double yellow lines will work.

The Dorktown mayor has quit smoking for his own sake and also to help raise funds for his charity appeal that runs during his one year in office.  I applaud him for his efforts here.  I've never been a smoker and have always found the idea as being dirty and nasty.  Pipe smokers are just as bad really and I wonder whether they use their pips as a substitute dummy they used to have as child.  Like any normal male I see good looking women every day but I'm also disappointed when I see then lighting up.  I would suggest that most ladies are the same they see a good looking doing the same.  Of course, the answer to smoking is not to start in the first place.  And I have time for the that it's hard work to stop smoking when you've been a smoker all your life.  My mother stopped smoking in 1996 when she moved back in here after the house had some major renovations to done to it.  She did it easily - and she was between 60 - 80 a day.  It was the cost implications that made her stop.  If she can do it, so can others if they put their minds to it.  How many times have I heard a smoker say as they down another pint, "It's the only bit of pleasure I've got."  Off he goes to the bar, sits down picks up the paper, fills in a betting slip and off he goes to back a horse.  Fags, booze n hosses ... what a sad life! 

By contrast the centre page spread is about a man from the town who spends most of his time in South Africa working as a volunteer with the Darwin Primate Group who have a rehabilitation sanctuary out there.  He has returned to Dorktown to raise the profile of the group and also to raise funds too probably so that they can continue their work.  The difference in the two life styles couldn't be any wider could they? 

       

Tonight's telly should be good.  I'm looking forward to the closing episode of Above Suspicion.  It's been a good show that one.  Then there's Coppers on C4, and Police Interceptors on C5.  I like Panorama to too.  On top of all that there's Roadshow and Countryfile to watch on Catch-up.  Good job the weather forecast is bad for tomorrow and we have to stay in any way for a delivery and a collection, both at different times.

So then, today's photo - now what will it be today ... ah right ... here it be ... 

Cushenden Harbour on the Antrim coast in Ulster.  It was really nice there when we went.

Sage time ...

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'


'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted