24 October 2011
Today's Dorktown News makes depressing reading again. The front page is taken up with a story of a memorial bench having been stolen for a grave yard. Why? What are the thieving towrags going to use it for? There's just no sense to it is there? Inside there's the story of a 39 year old who managed to get himself caught stealing 100 yards of signalling cable from beside one of the rail lines. I suppose that is easy money for those who get away with it. On the letters page one reader has wrote in to ask why the council is replacing stolen drain covers with more metal ones, suggesting that perhaps plastic ones would work just as well and stop the continual thieving. Worth looking at I would have thought. But why do these people turn to crime in the first place? Are the feeding a drug habit? Or are they like so many others who just won't go to work and use theft to improve their financial situation? There are few if any of us who are not feeling the pinch right now in one way or another. It's a good job then that we all don't turn to crime to help pay the bills!
Did you watch Countryfile last night? I always try to watch it and last night was no exception. So it seems the National Grid want to expand the grid and build even more pylons across the country. Why, I wonder? They claim that wind farms are placed isolated areas and the power they generate needs to be connected to the grid. Am I missing something here - or are they? Perhaps is the wind farms were not built in isolated areas and their power was used to feed and supply the local areas, then the inland power stations could supply the other areas. Same as the farms out at sea; that power can supply the coastal areas to perhaps 10 or 20 miles inland. There would not be any need for more pylons to be marched over national treasures of Snowdonia, the Lake District and so many other at risk areas. They claim that burying the cables costs ten times as much as using pylons. OK, then make the big six pay out more of the £130+ profit they make from each of their customers. The down side of course is that no matter what they decide, we consumers will have to foot the bill eventually. Talking of which ...
I mentioned the other day that we were switching our power supplier from Eon to Npower ... well, we're not! Jan phoned a number that checks to make sure you are making the right move and they found us one that will save us even more than we thought with Npower. So there yer go ... more dosh to spend soon eh - even less reason for us to turn criminal ;-)))
The Rochdale Sage has been in touch again ...
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a new starter handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at a primary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.'It sure is,' I replied.Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to the elderly, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the pavement in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wadding, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. What have you got there, dear? 'With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a new starter handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at a primary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.'It sure is,' I replied.Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to the elderly, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the pavement in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wadding, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. What have you got there, dear? 'With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
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