Rea ale fans, a dead king and a Pedigree

6 April 2013

Good morning one and all ... a nice bright day today for a Saturday and although I wasn't planning on going out today, I have to say I'm tempted.  And not just because it's nice and bright out there, no; it's because I am now fancying taking up a new hobby - beer ticking ... ... ...

Now some of you may be wondering what the hell I'm on about again.  Well, on 

Blighty last night I came across a programme called Beer Tickers, so I recorded it.  We've just sat and watched it this morning.  The object of the exercise is to travel around the country and from pub to pub to find new real ales and to drink a half of any that you haven't tried before and makes notes of each one.  It sounds like good fun and as a real ale lover I might have been up for the challenge years ago.  'Years ago' being the important words here.  Now I struggle to get through just three pints in a sitting.  One of the guys they interviewed for the show was called Mick the Tick.  He has a tick list of 70,000+ real ales he's tried.  The thought of all the ale makes me drunk but just think of the amount of money he's gone through!  Where does it all come from I wonder?

It's not just the money though for me, it's also about the time.  I have far too much to do as it is without taking on anything new.  Reading and writing, photography, family history, birding and watching films and documentaries take up so much time as it is.  To take on something else I would need to drop a couple of those.  But I enjoy all of them and I wouldn't know which to drop.  There again, maybe I don't have to ... I always have a camera with me and I snap the real les pump signs and have been doing that for some time now.  I currently have 567 such signs.  So I can increase that each time I go into a pub and it doesn't take up any more time and I don't have to drop one of my other hobbies either. 

Thanks to today's Telegraph I have another 'On this Day' item for you.  Today in 1199 England's King Richard I, Coeur de Lion was killed in Battle leaving the way for King John to take over.  And he was real a real nutcase!

Today's photo then ... 

is my all time favourite real ale.

And for a funny I offer ...

A Mexican, an Arab, and a Nottinghamshire Gal are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and
shoots the glass to pieces.   He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need
to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.  He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Nottinghamshire Gal,  picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In Nottinghamshire, we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

CPAP, The Hussy and the Clarks

5 April 2013

A 10.30 appointment at the Walsgrave ultimately lead to us seeming to spend the rest of the day out and about - even though we got it around 3(ish).  But by then I was feeling really tired again.  Sitting at home having a mug of tea and it dawned on me that I hadn't had anything to eat all day again.  In fact I hadn't had anything from about 8pm the night before.  No wonder I was feeling so dammed worn out!  That won't happen again!

The appointment at the Walsgrave went fine.  It was about the sleep apnoea I have and downloading the data off the SD card in the CPAP machine I have to use.  It was an annual check up and everything was fine.  My CPAP use is at 92% and I'm getting an average nine and a half hours sleep a night.  It makes no sense to me that other guys hardly ever use their CPAP machines and still complain that they keep falling asleep during the day.  Why go to see a GP and get referred on and issued with a CPAP and not use it?  Makes no sense at all.

The Hussy is on the front page of the News again today.  They now have seven wards with Norvo Virus infections.  Why they keep having this thing happening so often is a real problem and I'm starting to get a bit concerned if Jan or me end up in there as an emergency admission.  Right now I don't think the hospital is safe and performing very well at all.

Some time ago I got hold of gran and granddad Clark's wedding certificate and I thought I had managed to lose it during the sort out ready for the move here to the flat.  Well, I didn't lose it and it's not in the A4 folder I shall be taking to Edinburgh next Monday ready for a couple of days of looking at the Clark side of my family.  I shall also try look at the maternal side as well.  I know nothing about them at all, not even a name.  Not sure how much I can do in just four days though ... we'll see.  At some time I shall get down to the Forest of Dean too and see if I can find anything at all to do with the Jayne side of the family.  They can be easily trace back to around 1802 and then the trail goes quiet.  Maybe a trawl through the local records there might show something up.  After all, famines just don't spring up out of nowt do they?  Well, not unless they were parachuted in by passing Martians that is ;-)))

Today's photo is a scan of two photos and they are of great interest to me because of the people in it ...  

The top one is shows gran and granddad Jayne and my mother in deck chairs and either my or brother Dave's head just getting in on the shot.  The bottom one is a bit of a cracker to me.  Right to left as you look at it are grandma Clark, granddad Jayne standing, grandma Jayne sitting, aunty Eva with her back turned to the camera (she hated having her photo taken), and sat separately my mother again.  Granddad Clark died in 1938 and as far as I know there are no photos of him, shame that really.

Funny time ...

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.  It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay.  William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . .. . the little b*****d's name is Kevin."                    

Local rags, court case and a starling

3 April 2013

One day a week, usually Wednesday we get a free copy of the Dorktown News through the letter box.  Why they do it I don't know but it seems a waste of resources to me.  We also receive a copy of Dorktown Tribune too, just as every property in the town does.  Years ago the Tribune was the regular evening paper but it lost out when the News started up.  There was also a weekly paper called the Observer as well and that closed at the same time as the Trib went weekly.  Another free paper we used to get was the Trader.  That closed years ago and to be honest, I don't remember much about it; shows how good it was I suppose.  Back to today's News then ...

Front page is about the trial of the driver who hit and killed a young man on the A444 last September.  The driver failed to stop after the accident and that is what the trial is about really.  The driver is pleading not guilty.  His defence is that he and his two passengers were aware he hit something but couldn't see what it was and thought it was some sort of 'animal'.  I should imagine that his car would have been damaged when it happened so if he had stopped to check his car then he might have seen the victim.  Finding him and getting help out to him quicker might have saved the lad's life!  Too late now of course.

Somewhere I have a cracking photo of a starling taking when the sun was shining on it showing up the amazing colours of its plumage.  I can't find that one right but I do have this one ... 

taken in our back garden when we lived in Bed'th.

Today's funny ...          

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.
'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.'
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really, really hard on the top of its head.
The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A blonde woman timidly spoke up..........
'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'

The sun, mental health, and a lot to do

2 April 2013

Dorktown is bathed in sunshine right now and as Jan has just said, "Hopefully the weather has turned for the better now."  I agree.

This morning I found out that Dorktown has an inpatient mental health hospital.  Yes, I knew that the old Manor Hospital off Manor Court Road (now called Avenue House), had been changed from a general to a mental health facility but I had no idea it had wards too.  This enlightenment has come about because the News is carrying a front page story about one of the two wards being closed down.  It seems that there is little need for two wards here in Dorktown, which I find that strange seeing as I see so many mentally ill people about the town.  I'm not being nasty with that comment but there does seem quite a few such people - and I'm not thinking of those who suffer from depression either.  At least there is support for those that need it.

The council is claiming that in the summer they will be announcing the signing of contracts for the new shopping development on Upper Abbey Street.  We will then be told which retailers will be included.  So we are getting more shops and stores opening even though we have at least ten empty units in the town centre as it is.  Maybe Avenue House should re-open the Stanley ward and maybe even opening a third one too.  It looks like the council needs to spend some time there!

I have a lot to do between now and next Sunday evening ready for going away on Monday morning.  Top of the list is to find that marriage certificate for gran and granddad Clark.  With that I should then be able to great granddad and so on.  Next job, well as I look for the certificate is make sure all the batteries are fully charged and the camera cards are clear and ready for use.  But perhaps the most important job is getting two bottles of Hobgoblin and three bottles of wine drunk ;-)))

So then, a photo ... 

a couple of tufted ducks.

And today's funny ...      

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Pierre ," asks one, "'ow 'av you been doing?"
"Merde!" answers Pierre . "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged me out of bed and onto ze parade ground."
"And zen what 'appened?" enquired his mate.
"I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five ft off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"
"And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.
"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp five feet. Eet is beneath my dignity'."
"And zen what 'appened?" asks his mate.
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform ten feet off ze ground, and 'e said "Jurmp."
"And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.
"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp ten feet. Eet is beneath my dignity'."
"What 'appened zen?" asks his mate.
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform un 'undred feet above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and 'e said 'If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your burm!'"
"Sacre Bleu, mon ami" says his mate. "And did you jurmp?"
"A leetle, at ze beginning."

April Fool, a terroist attack and plants planted

1 April 2013

April fool's day.  A lot of the Warwickshire county signs beside roads claim in is Shakespeare's County.  But a few years ago the local rag published a photo of workman effecting new signs which claimed that the county would be known as Telly-tubby County.  There were quite a few who were caught out by it.  In the Sunday Express writer Stuart Winter using his Birdman name claimed that great auk, thought to be extinct since the 18/19 century has in fact been breeding quietly on a small uninhabited island within the Artic Circle.  Not sure how many got caught out by that one.  I wonder what tricks have been pulled this year?  Ah yes ... of course ...

The Tory Terrorist Party have brought in a pile of news rules to keep the under dogs in their places, that is, on their knees.  If their knees become too sore then it's no use looking for help from the NHS seeing as that is being cut up and sold off too.  And today is just day one of the changes, more will follow later.  You do know that the bedroom tax is discriminatory don't you?  It only applies to people living in social housing and not people living in their own home or renting privately.  After this lot I really do hope that the British electorate come to their senses and get of the Tories for good!!! 

Jan has been busy today planting out some small plants we have bought; three clematis, six heather and five aubrietia and just one hydrangea - a blue one, not a yucky pink one!  Oh yes, she re-potted a jasmine too.  It should look pretty good later in the year.  We are also looking at sowing a load of wild flower seeds on the small area of lawn outside our flat. 

A photo ... 

a golden eye.

And today's funny ...         

The correct insurance companies for sex:
Sex with your wife - Legal & General.
Sex with your future wife - Mutual Trust.
Sex with your secretary - Employers Liability.
Sex with a prostitute - Commercial Union.
Sex on the telephone - Direct Line.
Sex with your biographer - Quote me happy.
Sex in a hurry - Insure & Go.
Sex with your boyfriend - Standard Life.
Sex with a transvestite - Confused.com